Whhaa I'm a single mom

It's something Navy wives cry all the time, and I'm tired of it. You're not a single mother, you just sometimes have to raise your child on your own. That doesn't mean you don't still have the moral support of your husband, that doesn't mean he can't still give you advice, and you don't have to still agree on everything. You just have to do all the psychical work. Yes, it's hard, but you're not a single mom.

Then this also goes back to the fact that you chose this! You chose to have a baby, you chose to marry someone in the military. I feel like complaining about it makes it sound like you think you made a mistake. No one should think their child is a mistake.

Third, lots of women do it. You're not special. You're not a martyr. Your life isn't any harder than thousands of other navy wives who raise kids on their own. It's certainly not harder than real single mothers and it's really not that much harder than moms who's husbands are there all the time because the brunt of the baby raising work almost always falls on the mom anyway.

Fourth, a lot of these moms still have help from other people. I mean, the one that inspired this post hasn't spent a single night alone with her child since she was born. That's hardly a single mom. Does she think her husband is going to help out more than her mom or other family members? If she does she's crazy.

No one wants to hear you complain about how hard you think your life is. Maybe you should try spending six months trying to have a baby while reading from other women about how much they hate being a mom. Trust me, that's a lot harder.

The "I have it harder than you" game

I have these two friends who are both in relationships with someone in the Navy. Both of their significant others are deploying for a long period of time. One left a couple of weeks ago, one is leaving soon. Friend 2 told friend one they could be deployment buddies and that she understood how she felt. Friend one then explained to me that this made her mad because friend 1 is married and pregnant and friend 2 is only engaged. Plus, friend 1's husband is going to Afghanistan and friend 2's fiance is going to be on a boat. Really? she's playing the "I have it harder than you game"? This pisses me off. For one, both friend have been in their relationship the same amount of time, it's just one friend rushed to get pregnant and married and one didn't. I don't think this means friend 1 should get an award for having it harder. She chose to be in this situation. And if we're playing that game does this mean that friend 1 is some how more knowledgeable and experienced at being a military spouse than me? Ya know, because I was just my husband's girlfriend and his fiancee when he was deployed those two seven month deployments and he was just on a ship. I mean, we've been together for four years, and he's been out to sea for probably over half that time, but I can't relate because I was never pregnant and married when he deployed.

I've seen other girls do this too, and it's bull shit ladies. We're all in the same boat. I don't care where your significant other deploys or what your relationship is like at the time or how many kids you have, we're all the same. If someone tells me they can understand how I feel, then why should I tell them they can't? This is why I do not like most navy wive.

Voluntold

So a friend of mine was voluntold that she would be planning the kid's party for our FRG. I said if she was going to do it then I would help. Well, now my friend is out of town, and has been for about a month, and I'm getting asked all these questions about the party. I'm apparently supposed to be calling around looking for locations for the party and just planning everything in general while my friend enjoys her vacation. I figure by helping out I would come up with some ideas, help set up the party, and show up to a meeting or two. The last time I helped with something I just sat and typed info into the computer. That's the kind of stuff I'm good at. I hate calling people. I have being in charge. The worst part is that my husband will have detached from the ship by the time this party happens, and we don't have any kids so I'm not benefiting at all from planning this thing.

I do things with the FRG to keep busy, to meet new people, and mostly just because I know it makes my husband look good. I want people to know that even though I don't wear the stupid navy wife shirts, I am supporting my husband and being in the FRG is the best way to do that. Well, he's not going to be on this ship anymore when this party happens so what do we get out of it? It seems like a lot of work for nothing especially when I didn't ever agree to be in charge of this anyway.

The sad thing is that I'm really going to miss our FRG. It was a very small group of great women and we basically got together once a month and talked for an hour or two then had a 5-10 minute meeting. There was no drama in the group and everyone was fairly friendly. I am told that shore commands might have an FRG but they will probably not be active. I guess I should be happy that I get to do one last thing with them since my last meeting with them was a few weeks ago, but I just hate doing so much work when I only agreed to help my friend.

"We have so much in common"

Navy wife. That's what I'm supposed to be now. People tell me 'oh if you need anything let me know. I know how it is to be a Navy wife'. What if I'm not a Navy Wife? What if we aren't a military family, but just a family instead? I miss my Husband when he's gone, and lately that's been a lot, but is my life really any different than anyone else's? Am I so unique that I have to have some sort of special title to be married to my Husband? I don't think so. I'm no braver than any other wife.

Going into any marriage is always a leap of faith. Every woman and man has to trust on their wedding day that they are strong enough to be married. Every marriage has it's struggles. Yes, one of mine is that my husband is out to sea often. Many woman have the same problem. Many men have wives who are out to sea often. That doesn't mean that they understand what it's like to live my life. They understand a small portion, but my marriage is not their's. We all have unique struggles that make us who we are and make our relationship what it is. One, and only one of those is the fact that my husband is in the Navy. That one thing in common does not make me you. My husband is in the Navy. I am not a Navy wife. I'm my own unique version of a wife. One that will never exist again, one that has never existed before. I am my husband's wife.