Whhaa I'm a single mom

It's something Navy wives cry all the time, and I'm tired of it. You're not a single mother, you just sometimes have to raise your child on your own. That doesn't mean you don't still have the moral support of your husband, that doesn't mean he can't still give you advice, and you don't have to still agree on everything. You just have to do all the psychical work. Yes, it's hard, but you're not a single mom.

Then this also goes back to the fact that you chose this! You chose to have a baby, you chose to marry someone in the military. I feel like complaining about it makes it sound like you think you made a mistake. No one should think their child is a mistake.

Third, lots of women do it. You're not special. You're not a martyr. Your life isn't any harder than thousands of other navy wives who raise kids on their own. It's certainly not harder than real single mothers and it's really not that much harder than moms who's husbands are there all the time because the brunt of the baby raising work almost always falls on the mom anyway.

Fourth, a lot of these moms still have help from other people. I mean, the one that inspired this post hasn't spent a single night alone with her child since she was born. That's hardly a single mom. Does she think her husband is going to help out more than her mom or other family members? If she does she's crazy.

No one wants to hear you complain about how hard you think your life is. Maybe you should try spending six months trying to have a baby while reading from other women about how much they hate being a mom. Trust me, that's a lot harder.

The "I have it harder than you" game

I have these two friends who are both in relationships with someone in the Navy. Both of their significant others are deploying for a long period of time. One left a couple of weeks ago, one is leaving soon. Friend 2 told friend one they could be deployment buddies and that she understood how she felt. Friend one then explained to me that this made her mad because friend 1 is married and pregnant and friend 2 is only engaged. Plus, friend 1's husband is going to Afghanistan and friend 2's fiance is going to be on a boat. Really? she's playing the "I have it harder than you game"? This pisses me off. For one, both friend have been in their relationship the same amount of time, it's just one friend rushed to get pregnant and married and one didn't. I don't think this means friend 1 should get an award for having it harder. She chose to be in this situation. And if we're playing that game does this mean that friend 1 is some how more knowledgeable and experienced at being a military spouse than me? Ya know, because I was just my husband's girlfriend and his fiancee when he was deployed those two seven month deployments and he was just on a ship. I mean, we've been together for four years, and he's been out to sea for probably over half that time, but I can't relate because I was never pregnant and married when he deployed.

I've seen other girls do this too, and it's bull shit ladies. We're all in the same boat. I don't care where your significant other deploys or what your relationship is like at the time or how many kids you have, we're all the same. If someone tells me they can understand how I feel, then why should I tell them they can't? This is why I do not like most navy wive.

Voluntold

So a friend of mine was voluntold that she would be planning the kid's party for our FRG. I said if she was going to do it then I would help. Well, now my friend is out of town, and has been for about a month, and I'm getting asked all these questions about the party. I'm apparently supposed to be calling around looking for locations for the party and just planning everything in general while my friend enjoys her vacation. I figure by helping out I would come up with some ideas, help set up the party, and show up to a meeting or two. The last time I helped with something I just sat and typed info into the computer. That's the kind of stuff I'm good at. I hate calling people. I have being in charge. The worst part is that my husband will have detached from the ship by the time this party happens, and we don't have any kids so I'm not benefiting at all from planning this thing.

I do things with the FRG to keep busy, to meet new people, and mostly just because I know it makes my husband look good. I want people to know that even though I don't wear the stupid navy wife shirts, I am supporting my husband and being in the FRG is the best way to do that. Well, he's not going to be on this ship anymore when this party happens so what do we get out of it? It seems like a lot of work for nothing especially when I didn't ever agree to be in charge of this anyway.

The sad thing is that I'm really going to miss our FRG. It was a very small group of great women and we basically got together once a month and talked for an hour or two then had a 5-10 minute meeting. There was no drama in the group and everyone was fairly friendly. I am told that shore commands might have an FRG but they will probably not be active. I guess I should be happy that I get to do one last thing with them since my last meeting with them was a few weeks ago, but I just hate doing so much work when I only agreed to help my friend.

"We have so much in common"

Navy wife. That's what I'm supposed to be now. People tell me 'oh if you need anything let me know. I know how it is to be a Navy wife'. What if I'm not a Navy Wife? What if we aren't a military family, but just a family instead? I miss my Husband when he's gone, and lately that's been a lot, but is my life really any different than anyone else's? Am I so unique that I have to have some sort of special title to be married to my Husband? I don't think so. I'm no braver than any other wife.

Going into any marriage is always a leap of faith. Every woman and man has to trust on their wedding day that they are strong enough to be married. Every marriage has it's struggles. Yes, one of mine is that my husband is out to sea often. Many woman have the same problem. Many men have wives who are out to sea often. That doesn't mean that they understand what it's like to live my life. They understand a small portion, but my marriage is not their's. We all have unique struggles that make us who we are and make our relationship what it is. One, and only one of those is the fact that my husband is in the Navy. That one thing in common does not make me you. My husband is in the Navy. I am not a Navy wife. I'm my own unique version of a wife. One that will never exist again, one that has never existed before. I am my husband's wife.

I'm all alone here, and I'm beginning to think that I wasn't prepared for this. It's not the military life, not really, it's me. I have never spent more than a few nights alone. Growing up my mom was always there, and I spent most almost all of my adulthood living with my mother. There was always someone around even if it was just someone breathing in the other room. The only doubt I had about moving in with my boyfriend was that I would never get to experience living on my own. I was wrong.

I only work a couple of hours a day so for the most part you can find me sitting in my apartment watching tv or in front of the computer. The independent part of me enjoys having time to myself and it's not like I don't have friends to hang out with, but it's lonely here. I find myself talking to my cats a little too much. I find myself watching tv when I hate tv. I find myself missing him more than I did when he was deployed just because at least then I was at my mom's house.

Sometimes I wonder how I am going to survive his next deployment, but then I remember how lucky I am. I have some amazing friends who would never let me spend 6 months alone. I also have an amazing boyfriend who is worth waiting for. I am cutting this entry short because as I wrote about how much I miss him I got a call saying he was coming home now, a day early!

Wearing his job on my sleeve?

I don't fucking get it. I will never get it! I don't care how long I date a navy man or if I am married to a admiral for 800 years, I will never fucking wear some bullshit clothes that say his name on it, never! You will never see me with a facebook picture that says anything like "MM3 Bob Newhart owns my heart". I admit, I did once wear my boyfriend's PT shirt to work, but I needed something to wear and it was the first thing I saw! I am also fond of the anvy sweat pants, they are comfy, but personalized navy clothes? navy pictures? navy necklaces? panties?!?! really ladies?!?! You really want people to take us seriously when we're walking around with our man's job written across our boobs? It reminds me of a bad band t-shirt. Like we're fan of our men, not lovers of them.

I am all for being proud of your man. Believe me when I say I am very proud of mine. He works hard. but his job is just his job. I wouldn't wear a shirt with his name on it if he worked anywhere else so why wear one with his name and rank? It's just fucking silly. And no, I'm not putting everyone who does this down. Lots of girls who aren't navy wear stuff with their man's name. I am not putting down my friends' "Mrs. so and so" jacket. I'm just saying that it's gone too far. One cute shirt you had made when you were a newly wed and wear on laundry days or on pier when they are coming home is a lot different than wearing navy wife crap all the time.

Half this shit doesn't say anything, but "navy wife" on it. Why do we have to put ourselves into a little box ladies? I am not every navy girlfriend, I don't really want to slap that title on my t-shirt because it's got nothing to do with me. I don't care if my boyfriend has the same job as you, I am not about to put myself in the same box as you. I don't gossip, I don't cheat, I don't giggle at the thought of my man, I am just not you. I have never once in my life seen anyone with a shirt on that said "Teacher's wife" or "police officer's wife". I would think my boyfriend was crazy if I saw him wearing a "Emfp boyfriend" T-shirt. So why is it okay for us? because somehow being a military wife became less about loving our men and more about bragging.

Yes, that's right, you are just bragging. I don't care how cute you think your T-shirts, jackets, pants, necklaces, earrings, hat, shoes, whatever the fuck you've paid lots of money to have your man's name or just his job on, you're bragging. Things like that are why navy wives get a bad reputation. You people make it look like we are all out for the fame, not for love. You rub your husband's job in people's face, what else are they supposed to think? If bill gate's wife walked around with a shirt that said "Richest man in the world's wife" people would think she was a bitch who was only after him for his money. I think the same thing when I see navy wives in things like that. Of course I don't know what money they are after because we all know navy men aren't rich, but it's the same theory. You look like you are after your man for his job.

New flash! he may not always have the same job! that's right, your husband could get out of the navy. Then what are you going to do with those navy wife panties?

movingversary!

My boyfriend and I are moving in together soon. The date we move also happens to be our two year anniversary. He wants to celebrate a few days after we move, but the thing is, it's the first and maybe the last anniversary that we will be together. Last year he was deployed, next year he will also be deployed. Who knows what will happen at four years! I know it's more logical,but I hate that he's always gone on important days. He's yet to be here for my birthday and likely won't be around my next birthday either. I just want one important day that we can celebrate together on the right date. Is that too much to ask? Can't we just move everything early and have a nice romantic night together? I know it would be hard, but I'm willing to move quickly if it means having a normal anniversary for once. It's probably the only thing about the navy that I think really effects me. Holidays and anniversaries were always big deals in my family. I am willing to switch dates sometimes when we have to, but if there's any way to celebrate on time then I want to!